One of the many important characteristics of a successful leader is the ability to keep common goals in mind above all else. Despite inter- and intrapersonal hurdles, an effective leader is able to rally everyone together to ensure the job gets done to the best of their abilities. These leaders are rare because, to understand and apply such principles in an uncompromising fashion, is not easy. They have to remain honest and respectful and often engage in crucial conversations with other team members to move past barriers.
Crucial conversations involve people with an established relationship, where the stakes are high, and opinions differ, leading them to an uncomfortable, stagnant position. Opportunities for these conversations are present everyday in education, however they are often not handled properly. With the our students on the line (our future!!), it is imperative for the adults in the room to get these conversations right to ensure the appropriate measures are taken to ensure the success of our students. In addition to reading the Crucial Conversations book, I had the privilege of attending a two day Crucial Conversations training with in depth analysis and practices. We discussed the 7 steps to making sure you have a successful crucial conversation that leads to everyone achieving their common goals.
Start With the Heart – Starting the crucial conversation process by identifying what you aim to achieve through it is so important. You cannot control the response you will receive when you initiate this discussion, however, you can make it clear to those you are addressing that your intentions are to help everyone involved and achieve the team’s common goals. Education can be a tumultuous place of work, and you are only as strong as the network of teachers your build around you, therefore, the relationship I share with fellow educators is to important. Letting them know I just want to salvage our relationship and get our job done will hopefully begin the conversation on the right foot.
Learning to Look – Be aware of when is the appropriate time to have a crucial conversation. Your targeted team member or members may divert to silence or violence (not physical) depending on how and when you approach them. Being sensitive to the comfortability and reservations of your team will make them more susceptible to having a successful conversation with you.
Making it Safe – Do not corner those involved in the conversation. Ensure them that this is meant to be a discussion, not you simply accusing them of wrongdoings. However, resist the urge to sugarcoat things. It is possible to have an honest AND respectful conversation. Identify the common purposes and determine how you can achieve them together.
Master My Stories – This aspect of the training was eye opening for me. A strong leader is able to move past the perceptions they believe others have of them and their actions and get straight to the action. By mastering my stories, I will be able to ignore what I am simply perceiving, and instead focus on what I know is fact. More often than not, people do not intentionally intend to be malicious with their actions. That is important to keep in mind while having crucial conversations with colleagues, and just in life in general.
State My Path – The next steps of having a crucial conversation involve sharing your facts, telling your story, asking for others’ paths, talking tentatively, and encouraging testing. Laying out your perspective and facts on the table is important, but actively listening is even more so.
Explore Others’ Paths – This is (arguably) the most important step in the process. A conversation needs to be two-sided, and since you initiated this discussion, it is most important to listen and go over any potential questions you may have to prevent misunderstandings. This will let your colleagues know you genuinely care for and value their input.
Move to Action – Lastly, it’s time to make a plan to move forward. What can we do together to reach our goal?
In summary, to be a self-differentiated leader, one must be compassionate and understanding, yet unbiased and determined to achieve your team’s goals. Relationships with colleagues are so invaluable, but they cannot be the only component involved in decision making. Everyone needs to remain aligned to the team goals, stay accountable and motivated to get the job done for the benefit of others.
References
Bardwell, Mathew David. (2010, November 10). Friedman’s theory of differentiated leadership made simple [Video file]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/RgdcljNV-Ew
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., Mcmillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations : tools for talking when stakes are high. Mcgraw-Hill Education.
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